I feel like crap. I have gained 10 pounds already, within the first three weeks of school. and all I did was binge today, and I'm trying really hard to not hate myself.
So there it is. The question is, what am I going to do with it? I have two options: continue digging myself deeper into this shame-hole, or give it to God.
But I'm so afraid to give it to God, because that means admitting to myself and to God that I am not perfect. and I SO hate that.
But I'm going to do it anyway.
God, I give you my heart. A heart full of ed and shame. But I also give You a heart that is full of You. So please take care of it.
I want to thank you for my day. Thank you for Joelle, and her support. Thank you for my family, who love me and encourage me. Thank you for Huntington, and this amazing opportunity I have to learn and grow. Thank you for friends back home who care about me. Thank you so much for this eating disorder, because I know it is in Your good and perfect plan. You are so good, God. Thank you for everything you've ever given me. You are beautiful and wonderful, and so many other words I don't have in my vocabulary.
No comments:
Post a Comment