I am His and He is mine.

I'm going to let you know that I was very frustrated today. I binged at two meals, and I was basically drowning in shame. I wrote this blog over maybe three times, and each time I got more irritated with myself, and with God. Or at least, I thought I was irritated with God. I was really irritated with ed. I get those two mixed up sometimes, and the result is emotionally crushing. Good thing God is an expert at putting the pieces back together.

So, I was sitting here on my bed this afternoon, begging God for answers. "Why do have this eating disorder? Why do I feel like You've left me? Where do I go from here? How do I recover from this bingeing episode? Why don't I know the answers to these questions right now?!"

And here's what I came up with: I am not God. I will never be God, and I will never be perfect like God. I don't always know the answers, and sometimes I get frustrated. But I can always count on God to be God. And that's where His peace comes in.

I'm continually confronted with the decision to trust God or trust ed. Most of the time, I choose ed, but I'm learning more each day how to choose God. And even though I choose ed sometimes, God always takes me back, because it's not about what you DO, it's about who you are. And who am I? I am God's daughter, a display of His splendor. I am a sheep, following my Shepherd. I am a treasure, beautiful in every way. I am His, and He is mine.